the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
