I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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