I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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