I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize