Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
