Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
