If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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