Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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