Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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