What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize