I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
