it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
