im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I understand Curling. That high.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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