I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
