you win again, gameday.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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