I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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