Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize