Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
