shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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