Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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