Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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