I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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