Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
