Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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