Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"

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(720): View more from Colorado

He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".

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(214): View more from Texas

Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.

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(516): View more from New York

until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life

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(207): View more from Maine

Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.

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(937): View more from Ohio

i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.

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(323): View more from California

Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Sure lol what's that?

(323): View more from California

Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Why?

(323): View more from California

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(224): View more from Illinois

I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.

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