they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
God, I missed his penis.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
