Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
