oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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