Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
