did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
