I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
