I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
