I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
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It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
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I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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