did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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