well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
