so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
