Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
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Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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