uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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