woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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