Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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