Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
