he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
