moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
