Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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