I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
