i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
