im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
