the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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