I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
