I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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