If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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