I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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