ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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