i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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