I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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