Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
