And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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