the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My vagina is officially offended.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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