so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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